Cat's in the Cradle

Harry Chapin probably said it best, and as I was on my daily run today, his song was lodged in my brain, repeating the lyrics over and over.  "When you coming home dad, I don't know when, but we'll get together then son, you know we'll have a good time then."

If there is one single song that speaks to the way I have felt for the past two months of my life, this one surely is it. So let me take a minute or two and explain myself. It's deep, really deep --at least to me.

First, let me acknowledge the fact that I am in a much different place in my life today, being mostly retired. I say "mostly" because although I am no longer gainfully employed, I still tend to work many hours each week, but now it's for myself and no one else. Because I have a much more relaxed lifestyle today, I have learned to truly enjoy life and all of the little things that didn't use to matter to me. The fact is however, that they do matter.

As the words of Harry's song kept repeating themselves in my mind, I thought about my current lifestyle, and about those who are most dear to me. I watch and listen daily, to the many varied events and activities taking place within my family. The song lyrics reminded me of how fast my own life has flashed by, from childhood to the retired adult body that I currently occupy.

The "Cat's In the Cradle" probably best describes my life with my sons. I've had many conversations with them over the past few years. Although they may not realize it now, nor would they admit it if they did, I see two young men who have put their lives on hold, while they work tirelessly to reap the benefits of their dreams. Being business owners, they both work an excessive number of hours each week, as if there is an extreme urgency to succeed, and to do it now.

My fear is that someday they'll look back and have regrets. Regrets that they didn't take time for themselves or more importantly, that they didn't take the time to enjoy life. I wonder at times if they know that they can never get this time back, or when they do realize it, that it will be too late. That is my fear.

My sons are not the only people in my life that I have those thoughts about. I guess I really think about this with each of my family members --those working and those who are still in school. Racing around daily, hardly ever taking the time to relax and enjoy those things that truly matter in life. Is it just me who sees this? Is it because I have experienced both sides of the spectrum, and now have the time to think about this and more clearly recognize the daily chaos that surrounds us?

There was a time in my life that I too was guilty of living life in the fast lane. At one time, early in my career, I held five positions all in separate police agencies. Working a 70-hour week was not uncommon. Today I regret the time missed while my children were young. "He learned to walk while I was away" really hits home with me now. I don't want those whom I love and care about today, to harbor these same regrets later on in their lives.

What in life is truly important? Other than Maslow's list of basic needs --food, clothing and shelter-- is anything else really that important? I've truly realized just recently that things are just that...things. Nothing more. Looking at the big picture  --other than those basic needs-- everything else is of little importance. Everything that is, except for time. Our time here on earth is paramount over all else.

I've spoken about "time" in previous stories, and now once again, time rears its ugly head. But time truly is the enemy here --or so it seems to me anyway. Even though time in and of itself can't be slowed down or stopped, we can effectively manage it. It is possible to mask the onward marching of time to give your personal stopwatch the appearance that it ran somewhat slower than it really did.

On any given day, I hear the phrase, "I don't have time", both from friends and family alike. You hear it too, and without a doubt you have uttered those same words. How many times do you say that very thing? In most instances, not having the time really isn't the issue. The issue is more accurately; that you won't take the time and also that you may not be a good time manager.

A few summers ago, I was working with my sons at their company in New York. Often times, at the end of the workday --usually around five o'clock, some of us would head out for a ride on our motorcycles.  Typically there was no destination in mind; we would just ride to unwind for the day. One of my sons generally would not join us, "sorry, I can't go...I've still got work to do", he would counter, day after day when we would attempt to get him to join us. After our ride, he would still be at his desk and on most occasions, work late into the night. This was a common scenario for more than one summer and it always bothered me that he wouldn't take the time to join us. "Life's too short", I would often say --but my insignificant comments would just drift off into space.

Looking back now, and thinking about this same son who has moved forward taking on a completely new adventure, I am sure he realizes --as I do, that nothing would have changed, had he taken the time to enjoy some of those rides. The end result with that company would have been the same. He was still destined to move into a new phase of his professional life. He certainly gained some business knowledge working those late hours night after night, but the trade off --at least in my mind-- wasn't worth the time lost had he chosen to enjoy a little bit of life... time that he can't recoup.

I would like to think that I have always been the type of person who takes the time to really enjoy the simple things in life. The sad reality however, is that I wasn't. But it's not too late for me and I've learned how to totally enjoy life now. I recognize that which is important --truly important, and those things in life, which are just insignificant things. What can I do to help others --those I care most about, to see life the way that I see it now? Are written words about my life and my experiences capable of changing another man's thoughts regarding how he lives his life?

I have to wonder now --as I sit here in my more calm and enjoyable world, if I am partially responsible for the hectic and often chaotic world around me. Have I created this lifestyle for my family, or is this just the way that the world has changed? Perhaps this is the way that life is supposed to be. Maybe my viewpoint about life is obscured. When it comes to life and living, is there really a best or worst category or perhaps a right or wrong way to go through life?

I don't profess to have the answers, but the words of your song, Harry, really hit me hard today. "And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me --he'd grown up just like me. My boy was just like me."

~Safe Riding~

-The Chief